“We each do our own thing.” Well, good for you. If you just
concentrate on that approach, you will eventually not be doing anything with
each other. In fact, it will not take all that much concentration. It will just
happen and neither of you will have a clue why. “We used to do so much
together. It is a really busy life. There isn’t much time left for us anymore.
You know how it goes.”
If things have gotten to where either of you are putting your
relationship and “You know how it goes,” together in the same breath,
it has likely already gone. You may understand “how it goes” but
exactly where and when it went may be harder to fathom.
Oh well, you could always fall back on, “We’ve just drifted
That would be easier than, “At first, we did a lot together, had
mutual friends, and enjoyed shared activities. It’s a good news/bad news
situation; but we each met new people, developed our own friendships, and got
involved in different activities. We gradually spent less time together and
more time with other people and our new commitments. Neither of us gave much
thought to what was happening with us. By the time we did, there wasn’t much
‘us’ left. We should have seen it coming but didn’t. We simply woke up one day
and ‘us’ was gone.”
This probably has something to do with cows and barn doors and with
commitment and priorities as well. From Simon’s perspective, though, it mostly
has to do with active vs. proactive. Within any long-term relationship, both
people have responsibilities and interests beyond each other. Those can be very
demanding and perhaps even seductive. Whatever the attraction, it competes with
Especially if you are active and involved people, being proactive is
the necessary ounce of prevention. Know that you can drift apart if you do not
proactively counteract the natural course of social and business events.
How do you do this? You involve each other with your friends and
activities. No, that does not mean that you need to do everything together.
Actually, Simon would suggest that you avoid doing that. You certainly can get
too much of a good thing; but you also can get too little. Some regularly
shared time being involved with each other’s lives outside of your relationship
is Simon’s secret prescription for preventing the “we drifted apart,”
condition. If you need additional incentive, Simon can absolutely assure you
that the condition is unequivocally easier to prevent than to cure. Even
better, the medicine is smooth and full-flavored going down and the results can
be most gratifying.