Be Someone By Whom Your Significant Other Would Want to be Judged.

You are known by the company you keep but “So what?” You say, “I don’t care what people think about me.” Well, good for you. If that is equally true for your significant other, you can skip this little gem. But you surely jest. Just spending a few minutes to get to know you is enough to let everyone know you care what people think, at least what some people think. My point is that your significant other cares too.

Within quality, serious relationships, the opinions and perceptions of other people matter and what they think about each of you makes an important difference. What may be easily overlooked is that people think of the two of you together. Their feelings and judgments about each of you are applied to both of you. For this reason, your reputation is important for you and for your significant other. I am saying that, just as you carefully attend to your reputation for your sake, you need to attend to it for your significant other’s sake as well.

Great news! You need only keep your focus on striving to do the right things right, the first time, on time, every time. If you do, your reputation will take care of itself and so will the part you play in the reputation of your significant other.

Be Value Compatible … with a twist

They say that opposites attract. They are also the people who say that there is no accounting for taste. Who knows? That may be the same bunch that observed that if you spend enough time with most anyone, you will figure out some way to get along. Whatever the attraction, “values” are at the heart of it. For you and your significant other, there is something that keeps each of you in the relationship. Whatever it is, that is the attraction, what you value.

Although these points of attraction certainly represent values, They are not the value compatibility I am talking about. I am referring to those old fashioned values that preachers and politicians are so fond of discussing. What is right and what is wrong? What is good and what is evil? What do ethical people condone and what do they abhor? My simple point is that value compatibility is important and value incompatibility forecasts serious problems for anyone in a serious relationship. …

Be Attentive & Self-disciplined

What’s with that? Do I think you are out of control or something? You are consistent and predictable and are certainly attractive and fun to be around. You give your relationship your best shot as well. Now what am I talking about with this being attentive and self-disciplined stuff?

I assume you are responsible, considerate, reliable, thoughtful, and all of those kinds of things. There is a potential glitch though. In quality, serious relationships, your comfort zone increases, you are very familiar with your significant other, and there is little need to consciously attend to the relationship. It is not something you think about much and there is minimal need to “stay sharp.” You assuredly are in a safe place. Nonetheless, you need to beware of what I call “attention drift.”

Here is the problem. In a serious relationship, you and your significant other gradually adjust and accommodate to each other. You are each attractive to the other and pay little to no attention to quirks, habits, and behavior that is slightly annoying or irritating. You get used to each other.

All would be fine were it not that you both change over time. Each of you behaves a little differently here and has a slightly shifted attitude there. For a while, you just accommodate with no conscious awareness of doing so. At some point, you become aware but do not make an issue of it. More time passes and annoyance and irritation appear with no specific focus. This grows and begins to take on more importance than your attraction to each other. You have drifted apart.

What happened? One or both of you were not attentive enough to your changing behavior and attitudes. You experienced attention drift. The result is that your relationship is in jeopardy.

What is my suggested strategy for preventing attention drift? Here it is, simple and straight up. Have the self-discipline needed to continuously be attentive to subtle changes and shifts and to deal with them immediately.

Your Relationship Gets Your Best Effort

Doing the right things right, the first time, on time, every time may indeed be our theme song. It likely comes as no surprise we are now singing that old song in reference to serious relationships. “Relate the best you know how, every chance you get.”

A truly serious relationship is not a now-and-then, if you feel like it or have time proposition. Neither is it a place where less than your best will do, unless you do not care about risking the relationship. Sure, that level of effort and commitment benefits your significant other. You do it for them; and that is certainly thoughtful of you. More to the point though, giving it your best shot every time is in your very personal self-interest. Do it for you.

Be Attractive

You undoubtedly know pretty is as pretty does and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you suppose someone also once said, “A robin won’t sit on an empty nest,” or perhaps, “A moth isn’t drawn to a dampened flame?” It’s a simple point. “Attractiveness is a today thing.” The egg has to be there today to tempt the robin; the flame must be burning brightly to attract the moth.

Inside this simple point are a couple of small but important nuggets. Just as the moth is not attracted to the nest, egg or no egg, the robin is not attracted to the flame, dampened or not. Like the moth and the robin, different people are attracted to different things. …

Be Fun To Be Around

In the short-term, “fun” usually does not matter much. You spend time with this or that person and give little thought to it one way or the other. You certainly notice people who are particularly pleasant or especially abrasive; but most people are merely there, doing whatever they do, being whomever they are. In these relationships, you take care not to be unpleasant or abrasive yourself; but “fun” is not a high priority. For the long-haul, though, fun matters. …

Be Consistent & Predictable

Does being consistent and predictable make you think your old friend Simon is a boring person? Does hanging around with Simon sound like about as much fun as watching paint dry? Does being consistent and predictable conjure up images only slightly more stimulating than snuggling up with a turtle? Well, maybe “Yes,” and maybe “No.” Either way, That is not quite Simon’s point. …

Let’s Go Down This Road Together

Simon says, “Let’s go down this road together.” It is worth considering. Going down the road with you could be just fine. There are a couple of questions though. What will it be like with you, what is your idea of a successful relationship? That is important but there is an even more important question. It takes two committed people to make a relationship work. What is your commitment? …

24 Quotes For Parents

The podcasting team has a round robin for all the parents among us. The key is to just listen and magically, the quotation that was written just for you will be the one that sticks in your memory tomorrow. You may think none will but nonetheless one will. Listen and experience the magic for yourself.

The Pup Got It Right

Life’s little lessons sometimes come to us in the most unexpected ways and at the most unexpected times. Here’s a lesson you may not have learned. It’s an easy one to miss. It will help as you go about making a difference to people who make a difference to you.

Relating Long Term (22)

Let me add a note before this episode. It is about our emotional flags. If you only listen to one segment in this series, I suggest you make it this one.

Thanks for joining us for this special episode of the How To Matter podcast. James has developed a series about how to matter with people with whom you have a long term relationship. You are about to hear one of the episodes from the series. If you subscribed to the podcast from GaryCrow.net or from your favorite podcast player, all of the previous episodes in the series are there for you. Please enjoy this episode now.

Relating Long Term (21)

Thanks for joining us for this special episode of the How To Matter podcast. James has developed a series about how to matter with people with whom you have a long term relationship. You are about to hear one of the episodes from the series. If you subscribed to the podcast from GaryCrow.net or from your favorite podcast player, all of the previous episodes in the series are there for you. Please enjoy this episode now.

Depressed?

Depression is not a topic most of us like to think about all that much. Why? Well, it’s depressing.

 

Even so, many of us are depressed and some of us are seriously depressed. For those of us, this episode may help in understanding and, more importantly, may help in taking steps to manage the depression in ways that can reduce and help get past the depression. If you listen for you or for some one who matters to you, it is likely worth the few minutes it takes to think with us about depression.

Relating Long Term (20)

Thanks for joining us for this special episode of the How To Matter podcast. James has developed a series about how to matter with people with whom you have a long term relationship. You are about to hear one of the episodes from the series. If you subscribed to the podcast from GaryCrow.net or from your favorite podcast player, all of the previous episodes in the series are there for you. Please enjoy this episode now.

The Friendship Quiz

Marriage is both potentially very satisfying but sometimes quite exasperating. Hopefully the satisfying times far outnumber those times when you have to wonder why you ever thought this would be a good arrangement. In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, let’s think about how you can assure that those exasperating times are kept at a minimum and do not get out of hand.

 

Are you and your spouse good friends? If so, you have a strong basis for working out any issues or difficulties that may pop up. If not, the little problems, disagreements and conflicts are more likely to fester than they are to be worked through or perhaps simply overlooked.

 

We have a short quiz you can take to evaluate yourself as a friend to your spouse. Of course, the quiz applies equally well to any ongoing friendship relationship you have with someone close to you. Please listen, take the quiz and see how it fits with your understanding of friendship.